Self Love and Motherhood
Love is an integral part of motherhood. We speak about the love we have towards our baby and that motivates us in taking care of the growing little one. The moment we find out that we are pregnant there is information out there about what we should eat, how much we should sleep, how we should exercise, what we should avoid, etc and that continues after birth. There is information about how to care for your baby and quite frankly, not only can it overwhelming but it also can include contradictory information especially with the internet and social media.
The conversation has been shifting to speak about how we care for mom. There is more information about what mom should be eating, how much she should be sleeping, exercising, etc., and while I think that information is valuable I do think that there needs to be further validation that sometimes it is just hard to make time. The time to take care of your body is one component of self-love.
Self-love is defined as “having a regard for one’s own well-being and happiness”. This includes managing our physical and mental well-being. Practicing self-love can be hard and often times I encourage imagining speaking to yourself as a child. We try not to speak with a child in a harsh or discouraging voice and yet we do that to ourselves so often. We encourage the little ones to rest, eat right (at least most of the time) but we don’t hold ourselves to the same standard.
And it’s important that we do. We need to start taking time to care for ourselves. Though to be honest, I know the drill. We often place ourselves at the bottom of the list and while placing ourselves at the top of the list is the goal it’s not always feasible. When I first became a mother, I often got the unsolicited advice of “sleep when the baby sleeps”. Now, at first, it sounds reasonable but it doesn’t take into consideration all the other things that need to get done. There were household chores to do, cooking, the pressure to get back to pre-baby weight, work/career concerns, adjusting to this new identity, managing friendships, and the list of responsibilities goes on. It was a lot and sometimes when I would sleep when my baby was sleeping I wouldn’t wake up rested. Instead, I would feel overwhelmed with all the responsibilities. It can be easy to criticize yourself, mama, for not meeting your expectations. So just as important self-love is, below, I will provide suggestions for implementing it into your life in small ways each day.
Here are some tips for practicing self-love, mama:
Manage expectations. We cannot do it all at the same time. A therapist once told me “we can have it all but just not at the same time. Something will have to be dropped”. It’s a message that I pass onto others. Be realistic with what you can do. What does that look like? It may look different each day. Some days may be a sleep when the baby sleeps kind of day. Some days it may be a do laundry or order Post mates and watch TV when the baby sleeps kind of day. While each day may be different, it takes time to nourish the love we need towards extra sleep or the love we need towards eating alone and not having to think too much. Each day is an example of how you integrated self-love into your life.
Set boundaries. Now this one can be tough especially when setting boundaries with others but it’s so needed. Motherhood is an opportunity to practice setting them constantly. Whether it’s setting boundaries with how much we disclose about our motherhood woes with certain people or asking for more support, boundaries help in keeping grounded and thriving. Boundaries are a way of showing self-love as we are speaking our wants and needs for the betterment of our lives.
Time Away from your phone. This is often the first suggestion I give to clients as we begin to work on self-love. We use our phones a lot. It is a tool that can connect us with others virtually but can also lead us to be disconnected from what is happening around us physically. So, I suggest starting small and putting your phone away for an hour and just be you without it. This can be an intentional time to cook without a recipe, go for a walk, play with your child, sit and drink coffee and just be and show yourself, love. This is an intentional time of just being without having to be pulled into connecting with others on the phone.
Acknowledge the season of life you are in. Sometimes it can be easy to compare our lives to people who aren’t in the same season and this comparison isn’t practicing self-love. It’s comparing apples and oranges. Acknowledging the season you are in, whether it be, a mama of small babies, mama of multiple kids, a mama of one kid, etc, can help in grounding you. No one season will last forever and each season brings its own set of obstacles and triumphs. To remember the season of life, I often encourage to clients implement affirmations or positive self-talk to give grace to all that you have going on in your life.
A couple of my favorite affirmations are: “Taking care of myself makes me a better mom because I parent from abundance, not from lack”; “There is peace and love in my home, even in the midst of chaos”.
Throughout your day to ground yourself while your little one is having a tantrum, or when you’re up in the middle of the night with a baby, or having a tough conversation with your pre-teen using some of your favorite affirmations. That practical moment in that season is tough and being intentional with grounding yourself is a moment of self-love.
Self-love is a skill that needs to be practiced often and intentionally. It can make a difference in how you view yourself, and others around you. It also is an opportunity to model self-love to your child and others.
How do you practice self-love in your life? If you don’t, take the time to try one of the above suggestions and let me know how it works out for you.