Combating Motherhood Myths
When we think of the word myths we might think of stories we tell kids or silly tales we tell other people not necessarily stories that we believe about our world. The thing with motherhood myths is that they are so ingrained into our societal beliefs that sometimes it can be hard to even tell what is a myth or not.
Now, maybe when you read motherhood myths, you thought of old wives’ tales that you heard about in pregnancy. Such as the way your baby bump is positioned determines whether you’ll have a boy or a girl. Perhaps, you think of when you would mention that you had heartburn, people would assure you that you would be having a baby with a full head of hair. Some of those tales we may laugh off, though in my case that heartburn tale was true, however, we can easily distinguish that they are just old wives tales. They are not facts.
However, when it comes to motherhood myths somehow they are not funny tales; instead, they have become expectations that we hold ourselves to.
Some examples of motherhood myths are:
Being a mother should come naturally
Mothers bond with their babies immediately
A mother is selfish if she expresses her needs
Being a mother means I am always available for my kids
Being a mother means I’ll like my kids all the time
Asking for help is a sign of weakness
These are just a few examples of myths that mothers believe they should be striving towards. You may be saying to yourself, well those are true. Mothers are supposed to be selfless and think about their children. That’s how my mom was or that is what I saw in the community around me. We are biologically made for this. The thing is that the upholding of these myths is leading toward burnout, especially among mothers.
And with some of these myths, there doesn’t leave much room to have a differing experience. For example, some mothers do struggle with bonding with their babies in the beginning. It doesn’t make them any less of a good parent. It happens. In the same breath, being a mother may not come naturally, to others and there may be a struggle. Again, that doesn’t make them any less of a good parent. Everyone’s experience is different.
I wanted to provide some suggestions for combatting these myths. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you will no longer think about them or they won’t come up in your motherhood journey. These tips are meant to help you in managing them as they arise and maybe with enough practice, they’ll come up less.
Pause and breathe. You may notice that these myths come up when you try and take time for yourself and maybe it is not restorative time but just time away from your children. For example, going to work earlier to complete a project or staying late. Taking time to go get a manicure/pedicure or hopping on a phone call with a friend. You may notice that motherhood myth in the back of your mind maybe whisper, “Being a mom means I am always available for my kids”. When you notice that thought come up, take a breath and slowly remind yourself that it’s just a myth. Naming what it is, while it won’t take it away, can decrease its power of influence on you at the time.
Talk to your community. This is where mom friends come into the picture. Saying aloud that you think you are a bad mom because you’re spending time away from your kids to people who love and care for you can you give you the boost you may not be able to give yourself. The myths and expectations we hold ourselves to are influenced by others and sometimes a gentle reminder can make a difference in how you view yourself and the standards you hold yourself to.
Be intentional about the information you consume. We are bombarded with information all the time and sometimes without noticing we may be consuming information that upholds these myths about motherhood that aren’t serving us. Taking the time to reflect on the information around us can shed some light on what influences our thoughts and mood. You may find that you are surrounded by information that upholds these motherhood myths and maybe making a small shift can make a difference.
I want to hear from you! Have you heard about motherhood myths? How do you work towards combating them in your life? Share in the comments below.
