Productivity and Mental Wellness
Spring is here and often with the start of a new season, week, quarter of the year comes the re-evaluation of the tasks we are completing regularly. There is an evaluation of whether and sometimes HOW we are completing tasks and if it meets our expectations and the goals we are trying to achieve.
As a therapist, I encourage self-reflection and strongly believe much can be gained from exploring whether something is and/or continues to serve us. However, there is a fine line between self-reflection and self-deprecation.
It can easily go from “I have noticed that I have been raising my voice more at my kids” to “I am an awful parent since I raise my voice at my kids” The first one can be an opportunity to notice the behavior and reflect on wanting to continue it or not. The second one already starts negatively and while both can lead to reflection of behavior; the second negatively impacts how we view ourselves.
Often in sessions, it takes a while for clients to see the distinction between the two phrases as they both can often elicit positive change. An analogy that I use is paper cuts. Now, paper cuts hurt. They are often really small and that pain will get you to move your hand so fast.
The behavior is the paper cut “I am raising my voice at my kids”. In my first reflection, I notice that I am getting a paper cut or “raising my voice at my kids”. In the second reflection, I am saying that I am “awful” because I got the paper cut or “raising my voice at my kids”. When I reflect on both, I know I want to change the behavior but the second reflection causes me to feel as if I did something wrong. We don’t look at a piece of paper and say “I want a paper cut”. They happen and when they happen we change course.
Often my clients will laugh when I say the idea of “I am awful because I got a paper cut”. After all, we avoid paper cuts. They hurt. So in my analogy, paper cuts do hurt just like some behaviors hurt us to know we are doing them. We don’t need to add more to the fire of making ourselves feel bad. We can work on noticing the behavior and then finding a way to make a change.
As we enter this new season whether it be spring or as COVID 19 restrictions begin to open again, let us reflect on the tasks we want to change without making ourselves feel bad.
Here are some tips below to help with the process:
Keep a journal of all that you do in a day. We can easily fall into the trap of looking at all the things we don’t accomplish in a day, week, month, etc. without truly acknowledging all that we do in a certain time frame. Oftentimes, I have clients come back the next week and they are amazed at all that they accomplish that wasn’t noticed before and they have a clearer picture of where they want to be spending their time. This exercise can help in identifying all that is done in a given time and then reflecting on whether or not those tasks need to be done in comparison with their overall goals.
Set realistic expectations. We have big goals and with big goals often comes necessary hard work. I am an advocate for hard work but not all the time. The reality is we cannot give our 100% all the time. We have a bad day or a bad hour and then we feel bad that we aren’t doing what we said we were going to do; This easily can lead to a shame cycle. I like to encourage the idea of getting “one percent better each day”. from James Clear’s book “Atomic Habits”. That is the goal. How this looks in our life is that we can have goals that we want to work on, but somedays are going to be better than others and that is okay. Somedays we will blaze through our to-do list or rock a presentation or feel like the most amazing parent of the year and somedays we won’t. But by making the everyday goal of “getting one percent better” it sets a realistic expectation. So if the goal was to make it to that pilates class but your kid had a hard day at school and you couldn’t make it. Instead of feeling bad because well life happened, go on a walk with your kid or park the car far at the grocery store and walk a bit more. That’s one small change that works towards getting a little better each day. It doesn’t make you lose momentum towards your exercise goal. Remember that tomorrow is a new day and another opportunity to work towards goals.
Reflect on your social media intake. Social media can be a platform that connects people and motivates us but it can quickly become a place where we compare ourselves and that negatively impacts us. Often, I encourage clients to take an opportunity to step back from social media intake completely or lessen the intake. This provides an opportunity to pause. Our social media platforms can influence what goals we are trying to achieve and how we feel about ourselves. Remember a year ago when COVID restrictions first were implemented, all over the internet, goals were sprouting up of working out every day or baking bread or starting a side hustle, etc. I remember clients feeling like something was wrong if they weren’t able to do those goals or keep up. The reality is we were in a global pandemic. We didn’t need to be productive but it was easy to get caught up in the productivity goals of others. Taking a break from social media in combination with reflecting on what you do every day can bring a realistic reflection on yourself and what goals you want to achieve.
I hope these tips can help you as we move forward this year. What did you find most helpful?